So, tonight, after 2 nights of not talking to Gary, I went to his apartment.
I told him that I had needed time to come to a few conclusions: 1. he needs to decide if he can get over this hurt and 2. I need to decide if I can wait for that.
His response? It would have been nice if you had told me that.
I said: I didn't want to cry anymore to you and I didn't want to rehash it.
He said: A text would have been nice.
I said I was sorry.
When I was leaving, I asked for a hug.
As he was hugging me, he said, "Don't ever do that again."
I feel so much better.
Thursday, November 09, 2006
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
Planned Ignoring
OK, I cried myself to sleep last night.
I have decided, but couldn't tell him, yet, that I need a little break.
I can't talk to him every day and see him, yet not be appreciated.
So, I decided yesterday that I'm not taking his calls. (I know it is childish.)
He called me at 8:00 and I didn't take it. Then, he sent me a text at 8:45 and I didn't respond.
So, today, at 4:30, he calls me again and leaves another message. It sounded a little bit like he getting that I'm not calling him back.
I'm hoping that he doesn't call again tonight, because I'm afraid that I might answer.
I need to decide if I can wait for him and continue to feel nonappreciated.
I'm not sure that I can.
I have decided, but couldn't tell him, yet, that I need a little break.
I can't talk to him every day and see him, yet not be appreciated.
So, I decided yesterday that I'm not taking his calls. (I know it is childish.)
He called me at 8:00 and I didn't take it. Then, he sent me a text at 8:45 and I didn't respond.
So, today, at 4:30, he calls me again and leaves another message. It sounded a little bit like he getting that I'm not calling him back.
I'm hoping that he doesn't call again tonight, because I'm afraid that I might answer.
I need to decide if I can wait for him and continue to feel nonappreciated.
I'm not sure that I can.
Monday, November 06, 2006
He is scared.
Ok, we met at Dunkin Donuts (a neutral place) tonight.
I cried and he said, "Is this really the place to talk about this?"
We moved to my car and I said what I went to say:
1. It makes me feel bad when you don't appreciate my cards.
2. It makes me feel bad that you don't want to be with me on Thanksgiving.
3. If you don't see this going anywhere, you better let me know right now!
His response: "I am usually the one giving and not receiving and I don't know what to do when you are nice to me. I do appreciate the cards, but I don't know how to tell you. I don't know why I let you give to me, but I can't open up to you."
He said, "I do want to be with you, but I don't know why I can't open up."
I said, "Yes, you do know why! You don't want to get hurt like you were before."
He just hung his head.
We left things with him saying he needs time. He said that I'm good at giving him alone time and time with his friends. I asked if he feels like he HAS to be with me. He says, "No, but I hate being alone and you being alone in your apartment or you working on a Saturday."
He says that he doesn't want to lead me on. He says that he promises to tell me if he doesn't see this going anywhere and he apologized for making me feel this way.
One more thing: he says that I'm right that he is scared. ( Last week, he said that he doesn't know what is wrong with him and I said, "I think you like me and that scares you.")
I cried and he said, "Is this really the place to talk about this?"
We moved to my car and I said what I went to say:
1. It makes me feel bad when you don't appreciate my cards.
2. It makes me feel bad that you don't want to be with me on Thanksgiving.
3. If you don't see this going anywhere, you better let me know right now!
His response: "I am usually the one giving and not receiving and I don't know what to do when you are nice to me. I do appreciate the cards, but I don't know how to tell you. I don't know why I let you give to me, but I can't open up to you."
He said, "I do want to be with you, but I don't know why I can't open up."
I said, "Yes, you do know why! You don't want to get hurt like you were before."
He just hung his head.
We left things with him saying he needs time. He said that I'm good at giving him alone time and time with his friends. I asked if he feels like he HAS to be with me. He says, "No, but I hate being alone and you being alone in your apartment or you working on a Saturday."
He says that he doesn't want to lead me on. He says that he promises to tell me if he doesn't see this going anywhere and he apologized for making me feel this way.
One more thing: he says that I'm right that he is scared. ( Last week, he said that he doesn't know what is wrong with him and I said, "I think you like me and that scares you.")
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