Ok.
Today, I'm wanting to call Gary. I don't know why. Well, I do know why. I miss him.
I was even thinking of asking if he needs his hair cut. (Since I do that for him and I'm sure it is time.)
He hasn't contacted me, though, so I need to remind myself that that must mean he doesn't want to see me. I HATE THAT.
Anyway, I should go do something productive, like wrap presents.
MAS
Saturday, December 09, 2006
Friday, December 08, 2006
Distraction
OK, I'm nuts.
I agreed (suggested) to movies with Tom. (I'm nuts--I know!)
He came over tonight. I picked up pizza and he got the movie and pop.
We had a relaxing night with a few interruptions. The first? The neighbors upstairs "making whoopee." I heard the banging and Tom slowly looks at me and says, "....uh, I think your neighbors are...." "They are," I say! He says, "Want me to bang on the ceiling? I can reach." I say, "NO--I want you to turn up the TV!"
Number two? Someone trys to turn around in my driveway and gets stuck. Well, they want to back out and they keep sliding down. This is making Tom nervous as his truck would be what stopped them from sliding into my garage. Finally, he goes out and helps push them out of the driveway.
OK, so my point. I needed a distraction from missing Gary (although I was missing him the whole evening) and that's what I was doing with Tom. So, I decided (like I always do) that I don't need to be with him and that he isn't the one for me. ESPECIALLY because he was telling me about some girl named Melissa who he is going Christmas shopping with tomorrow.
The stunner was this: On his way out, he asked me to go to the movies on Sunday. I swear he has a 6th sense......when I don't want him, here he comes LOUD AND STRONG!
I'll never find someone like Gary.
I agreed (suggested) to movies with Tom. (I'm nuts--I know!)
He came over tonight. I picked up pizza and he got the movie and pop.
We had a relaxing night with a few interruptions. The first? The neighbors upstairs "making whoopee." I heard the banging and Tom slowly looks at me and says, "....uh, I think your neighbors are...." "They are," I say! He says, "Want me to bang on the ceiling? I can reach." I say, "NO--I want you to turn up the TV!"
Number two? Someone trys to turn around in my driveway and gets stuck. Well, they want to back out and they keep sliding down. This is making Tom nervous as his truck would be what stopped them from sliding into my garage. Finally, he goes out and helps push them out of the driveway.
OK, so my point. I needed a distraction from missing Gary (although I was missing him the whole evening) and that's what I was doing with Tom. So, I decided (like I always do) that I don't need to be with him and that he isn't the one for me. ESPECIALLY because he was telling me about some girl named Melissa who he is going Christmas shopping with tomorrow.
The stunner was this: On his way out, he asked me to go to the movies on Sunday. I swear he has a 6th sense......when I don't want him, here he comes LOUD AND STRONG!
I'll never find someone like Gary.
I had to call him.
Sorry--I wasn't home last night to blog.
I called him Wednesday, around 5:00.
He answered, seemed pleasant, and said that he was cutting his Christmas tree at that moment and wanted to call me back. I said fine.
He called as I was walking into a Tastefully Simple party, so I asked him to call in a few hours.
We ended up talking around 9:00.
Many things were said. I guess what I got from it was that he doesn't care about me. He was trying to, but he didn't---at least that's what he said. He said that I was more invested than he was. I said, "what do you mean?" He said, "Our feelings weren't the same." I said, "You know I wasn't planning a wedding!" He said that he knew but that my feelings were growing and his weren't. I cried, which made me mad. I told him that I couldn't change my feelings. He said he knew that I was mad that he hadn't called me when he got my text. I said, "I'm not mad-- I want to be mad, but I'm just hurt and confused."
So, last night, I called to apologize. He didn't answer--not surprising. I just left a message that said that I didn't want all of our conversations to end like Wednesday's and that I would work harder to avoid that in the future.
I need to not call anymore though because I want to keep my dignity. I'm grasping at straws. At this point, I feel like I haven't done anything wrong. If I begin to go psycho, then he'll have reason to not want to be with me.
I hate that he did this to me.
I called him Wednesday, around 5:00.
He answered, seemed pleasant, and said that he was cutting his Christmas tree at that moment and wanted to call me back. I said fine.
He called as I was walking into a Tastefully Simple party, so I asked him to call in a few hours.
We ended up talking around 9:00.
Many things were said. I guess what I got from it was that he doesn't care about me. He was trying to, but he didn't---at least that's what he said. He said that I was more invested than he was. I said, "what do you mean?" He said, "Our feelings weren't the same." I said, "You know I wasn't planning a wedding!" He said that he knew but that my feelings were growing and his weren't. I cried, which made me mad. I told him that I couldn't change my feelings. He said he knew that I was mad that he hadn't called me when he got my text. I said, "I'm not mad-- I want to be mad, but I'm just hurt and confused."
So, last night, I called to apologize. He didn't answer--not surprising. I just left a message that said that I didn't want all of our conversations to end like Wednesday's and that I would work harder to avoid that in the future.
I need to not call anymore though because I want to keep my dignity. I'm grasping at straws. At this point, I feel like I haven't done anything wrong. If I begin to go psycho, then he'll have reason to not want to be with me.
I hate that he did this to me.
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Madder by the day....
This is his plan!
He isn't calling me because he knows I'll get madder as each day passes!
It is working. I'm pissed.
OR he thinks I'll call him when I'm ready. I won't. At least not right now. I'm getting good at not calling him first.
He isn't calling me because he knows I'll get madder as each day passes!
It is working. I'm pissed.
OR he thinks I'll call him when I'm ready. I won't. At least not right now. I'm getting good at not calling him first.
Monday, December 04, 2006
Sad, mad, and HURT
OK, our last words on Thursday were:
Me: I hope you'll call me.
Him: I will. I'll give you a few days before I do.
OK......that was Thursday. I didn't expect to hear from him over the weekend, but COME ON! It is Monday night---HE SHOULD HAVE CALLED ME BY NOW!
So now, I'm worrying.....
1. Has he not called me because he thinks I'm still too upset?
2. Has he not called me because he is too upset?
3. Does he think I'm mad?
4. Is he mad?
What is funny. Today, I was thinking that maybe I'd ask him if we could just consider this a break and reconsider in January. I hate that I'm all or nothing, but wanting to wait. I hate that he has done this me!
Me: I hope you'll call me.
Him: I will. I'll give you a few days before I do.
OK......that was Thursday. I didn't expect to hear from him over the weekend, but COME ON! It is Monday night---HE SHOULD HAVE CALLED ME BY NOW!
So now, I'm worrying.....
1. Has he not called me because he thinks I'm still too upset?
2. Has he not called me because he is too upset?
3. Does he think I'm mad?
4. Is he mad?
What is funny. Today, I was thinking that maybe I'd ask him if we could just consider this a break and reconsider in January. I hate that I'm all or nothing, but wanting to wait. I hate that he has done this me!
Sunday, December 03, 2006
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