Does anyone read this?

I'm not sure that anyone reads this.
I know 2 people do, but I don't know how often.

I'm not sure why I do this....maybe just for me.

Not so bad

Ok, so Marc isn't so bad.
We had a great dinner, great conversation, and I let him kiss me some more.

I can't take a compliment though. WAIT-- I can't recognize one, even.
He calls me on the way home. He asks how my day was. I ask how his was. His response, "It was OK. It will be better in a little while now." I said, "Why, because you aren't at work?" He says, "NO, because I'm going to dinner with youuuu." Me, to myself, "YOU IDIOT!" To him, "Oh, you are so sweet."

I'M AN IDIOT!

He was telling me that he was saying all day that they had to quit at 5:00 because he had to get home. He said they were teasing him about having a hot date and he told them that was right. I handled that a little bit better!

I thought I would let him chase me.

OK, on Sunday, Marc asked me if I wanted to go to dinner sometime this week. I said, "yes." He asked what days weren't good. I said, "Thursday."

Yesterday, at 3:40 (when he thought school was out) he sent me a text that asked if I had a good day and did I have plans. During the day, I had made plans to work out with Allison and then to grocery shop with Tracy. (We hadn't been to the grocery store in about 3 weeks!) I told him that I had made plans. I called him on the way to work out. He didn't ask about another night this week. He doesn't get home from work until 6:30 or 7:00 and said he didn't want to make me wait that late to eat.

Around 9:30, I got a good night text.
I responded with a text that said, "Will I get to see you this week?"
He said, "Do you want to do something Saturday?"
I WAS DISAPPOINTED- which I had to laugh at myself about.
Me: I guess I can wait until Saturday.
Marc: Have you ever eaten at Hickory Grill? When do you want to go?
Me: I love the Hickory Grill. How about tomorrow?
He called me. (Wait, wasn't I letting him chase me? Didn't I just force him to make a date this week? Oh brother!)

I wrote to my pastor yesterday about this situation. (divorce and child)
He sent back a thoughtful response about h0w he thought it was good that I'm using my head to guide and guard my heart. He says he mailed me an article with some Biblically based points of view on divorce and remarriage. He wants me to struggle with it a little bit and then he wants to meet to talk and pray. (He is on study leave for the next 2 weeks -- I'm glad I caught him before he is unavailable.)

Not as much to say

So, since Thanksgiving, I've had many things to say and tons to post.

I haven't had as much to say since the New Year started. I've forced myself to do it AND I know that they aren't as content rich as in the past.

I wish I had more to say, but I'm glad that the heartache is dulling. Although through all of this, the love hasn't changed. I'm wondering when it will....when will I love him less or not at all?

Confusion....

Gary totally confuses me. HE wanted to be friends, now that I have been trying really hard for that, he can't seem to handle it.

Marc on the other hand, is still calling quite consistently. I do not enjoy talking on the phone with him because we seem to have nothing to talk about on the phone. (We have stuff to talk about in person, weird.) I decided yesterday that I think I'm going to try it at least through Valentine's Day. I'm not sure, though. I THINK.

However, if Gary called me, I'd run back to him in a hearbeat.