I had to call him.

Sorry--I wasn't home last night to blog.
I called him Wednesday, around 5:00.
He answered, seemed pleasant, and said that he was cutting his Christmas tree at that moment and wanted to call me back. I said fine.
He called as I was walking into a Tastefully Simple party, so I asked him to call in a few hours.
We ended up talking around 9:00.

Many things were said. I guess what I got from it was that he doesn't care about me. He was trying to, but he didn't---at least that's what he said. He said that I was more invested than he was. I said, "what do you mean?" He said, "Our feelings weren't the same." I said, "You know I wasn't planning a wedding!" He said that he knew but that my feelings were growing and his weren't. I cried, which made me mad. I told him that I couldn't change my feelings. He said he knew that I was mad that he hadn't called me when he got my text. I said, "I'm not mad-- I want to be mad, but I'm just hurt and confused."

So, last night, I called to apologize. He didn't answer--not surprising. I just left a message that said that I didn't want all of our conversations to end like Wednesday's and that I would work harder to avoid that in the future.

I need to not call anymore though because I want to keep my dignity. I'm grasping at straws. At this point, I feel like I haven't done anything wrong. If I begin to go psycho, then he'll have reason to not want to be with me.

I hate that he did this to me.