I just don't know.

So, I know that in order to move on, I have to start thinking about someone new. Not that I'm ready to date, but I have to think about it.

First, I love Gary. If I ever want there to be a reconciliation, then I need to NOT BE PSYCHO. I need to give him the space that he needs to work through his issues.

A guy I work with wanted to fix me up with his cousin. He asked me soon after I started dating Gary. Last night, I sent him an email asking about the cousin. Today, we decided that we'll go out in January. I chose Jan because 1. I'm not ready yet and 2. it is hard to meet someone at the holiday time. Awkward.

Then, Gary called me tonight. He wanted to know about my doctor's visits. We talked for like 20 minutes. It was really, really good. It made me feel good that he still cares about me. It also made me realize that I still love him. I need to let him realize what he is missing. I need to be charming and beautiful and smart and let him pant. I can do it, I can do it!