So many thoughts

Ok. I just got home. We did dinner, bowling, the bar (connected to bowling alley), and then Kings for coffee. He is cute. Tall, blonde, goatee, broad. Country. Boots & a baseball cap. Used to ride bulls.

Divorced. Seven year old son named Garrett (I said country.)

We had fun and had a nice time talking.

He asked me to go to a New Year's Eve party...then told me that his son will be there. THEN - he asked me to go out tomorrow night, too.

I need some time to process this, but right now I'm getting the vibe that he is LONELY! I liked him, but I'm not ready to spend my entire weekend with him.

Tom Caves asked me today if he is a Christian. I said that I didn't know. We were talking about tattoos tonight and I told him that one of mine is of the trinity. He said, "What's that?" No problem, I tell him it is for the father, the son, and the holy ghost. He says, "Oh, I didn't know." So, I'm guessing he is not a Christian.

I need more time to process. Right now I'm cursing Gary. I don't think that I'm ready to date someone because the whole time I kept forcing myself.

Tomorrow will be a good chance to talk some more. Maybe he'll grow on me.
For now, I must sleep.

Nervous

Nervous, nervous, nervous.

bowling scores

Tuesday night I rolled 109, 127, and 155.
Tonight, I rolled 124, 142, and 181.

Can't wait for tomorrow!

D-A-T-E

Daring to
Allow someone
To get to know
Everything about me

I have a date tomorrow.
We're going bowling and to dinner.
Marc is his name.
I CAN'T WAIT!

No Sex and the City

OK, so I sat in my Weight Watchers meeting and cried today.
My leader thought I was crying about my 6 pound weight gain.
(did I mention that there were only 4 people at the meeting?)

I wasn't crying about the weight gain. (Although I should--6 pounds in 6 days--come on!)
What was I crying about?

MEN.
Will I ever find someone who loves me and wants to be with me, yet will wait to have sex with me, yet loves to drink beer? I was crying because I was crying. I'm unhappy with my dating life, I'm unhappy at work, I'm unhappy with my church. I am such an emotional mess. I have to do something to get over this. But, what? I'll tell you what ISN'T working--eating, that's for sure. I will say that I'm thinking about seeing a counselor. I'm not talking about my preacher... he has an agenda--as does any minister. I'm talking about finding a "talking doctor" to go to. My insurance covers it.

It also has me thinking about New Year's Resolutions.
I'm thinking about giving up men for the new year; taking a year off. I don't know what that would prove, but it might make me focus on more important things. I'm also thinking of imposing a year long bedtime for myself. I'm thinking 9:00. Is it possible to be in bed by 9:30 for 365 days in a row? I'm not so sure.

What is your resolution?

Bowling

OK, so Tracy and I went bowling.
Two reasons:
1. To use the bowling ball that Gary got me and not feel bad about it.
2. To practice up before my big date with MARC.

It was fun. I bowled a 109, 127, 157. Roll on.

Then, we went to a local watering hole. I had an "electric lemonade" which knocked me on my ass! It was fun and I didn't like the taste of it, but MAN it was ELECTRIC.

Gary and I had a fight today, but I'll blog about it later.

Contemplating

It has been very close to a month since the break-up, and I am finding that I've not taken it very well. I wanted to keep my dignity and wait for him to realize how dumb he is. When I call him or text him, I'm not giving him that chance. I haven't quite closed the gap between heartbroken ex girlfriend and psycho, but I've found myself teetering on the edge.

I want to be able to say that I've done nothing wrong.

Yesterday, Christmas Day, all that I wanted was to talk to him. I wanted him to call me. So, later in the day, I sent a text. He responded a few times, and then we were done. I was too proud to call.

He is my measuring stick. I went to a party on Friday. There was a single guy there who people have wanted to fix me up with. I was friendly and tried to be open about it. The whole time, I kept thinking about how he wasn't Gary. I was comparing him and his traits to Gary. Will it always be like this?

Merry Day After Christmas.

L-O-V-E

Leaving yourself
Open and
Vulnerable
Entirely

I love Christmas on Christmas Eve

My sister and bro-in-law got me:
Two beautiful pairs of silver earrings
A wooden replica of Beaver Stadium to add to my PSU collection
Cool, thick socks

My parents got me:
3 lb weights
Mary Kay brush set
2 sets of towels (including the BIG bath sheets that I LOVE)
Flannel sheets....with these cute penguins on them
A fuzzy green blanket for my bed
Some weird soaps
A shop vac!

I think that I got every single thing on my Christmas list!
I'm so thankful.
Oh wait, I just checked. I got everything but the subscription to InStyle magazine, I guess I"ll have to suck it up and get that for myself! ;)

Amen!

My stomach hurts

Irresistable

Happy
Alive
Vuluptuous
Entertaining

Amorous

Warm
Intelligent
Lovely
Devoted

Hold dear
Excitable
Affectionate
Remarkable
Tender

Missing you

Are you missing me?
I'm totally missing you.

I hate feeling like this. I just want to be with you.

Why are men so stupid?

To do:

1. Get oil changed in car.
2. Grocery store...food & pictures.
3. Tally up Susan's debt.
5. Pay Gannon (Merry Christmas)
6.Work out with Allison.
7. Lunch with Amy (?)
8. Christmas cookie party at Karen's.
9.Dinner at Jeannie's.

I'm hoping to get 5 or 6 of these finished. All would be FABULOUS!
Oh yeah, I'm planning to bake some bread, too.

Lonely

Longing to be held
Only you I want
No one
Else is
Like
You

Marc, the bowler

So, Jeff says to me today, "Marc and I are going bowling to shake off the cobwebs before we go with you!" How cute.

Jeff then says, "I told him what you said about losing and he says he can handle it, but I can't." When Jeff had suggested bowling, I had said, "Can Marc handle losing to a girl?"

I'm so glad that I have this to look forward to.

Today, I'm numb.

So, today I'm torn.
I was trying so hard to keep my dignity.
I'm not sure that I did that yesterday.

I'm going to wait until Christmas. (Which is only 6 days away-- egads!)

The gift

The gift was his favorite movie. He didn' t own it. The movie Airplane!

I bought if from Amazon. It came the day after we broke up. It was such a hassle to return it. Plus, I really wanted him to have it.

I gave him a gift

My gift made him feel bad
Although I wanted that
Really now I feel sad
Y can't I be mean?

Anyway, I got in a few shots
Letting him know how I feel
I wish things were different
Cause we were a match made in heaven
Eventually, I'll find someone new... I hope!

OB GYN

New doctor today.

I love watching the faces of doctors and nurses when they say, "What medication do you take? " and my answer is "No." "What kind of birth control do you use?" "None."

Today, I got a bonus when at separate times, I was asked, "Have you ever had an abnormal pap smear?" My answer has been, "I never had one before." THE SHOCK! THE HORROR!

Anyway, he says it looks normal, I'll know for sure in a few weeks. He says that we need to get me on some birth control so that we don't have an unwanted pregnancy. It wasn't worth telling him that we have no worries.

OH--the nurse at the desk asked me if this was on my insurance or my husband's. How rude! Single women go to the OBGYN.

Today's Acrostic

Marc
Andy
Ryan
Yogi

Allen
Leroy
Ian
Chad
Eric

Many men
Always options
Round the corner
Years may change me

Always wonder
Learning too much
I hate heartbreak
Can't wait for "the one"
Exhausted from looking