Friends have been saying that I'm leading Marc on because I haven't been honest about my expectations.
So, last night, on the phone, I said what I needed to. I told him that I liked him and didn't want to hurt him, but had a few things to say.
I told him that church was important to me and I needed to be with someone for who it is important as well. He said it was important and that he would go. (Not exactly what I'm looking for, but getting there.)
Second, I told him that I'm saving sex for marriage. His answer: "OK." pause. "Sex ain't everything." Me: "I know, but it seems to be part of the deal with people our age and for me it isn't." Him: "OK."
So, I feel much better because I've been honest and not misleading about my expectations.
We talked about a few other things. He is worried that I'll get upset when the weather gets warmer and he'll be working 6 days a week and long, long hours. I told him that if that is his job, then that's his job. He worries that we'll have plans and he'll have to call and cancel because he has to work late. I told him that that isn't a problem, but it would be a problem if he called me to cancel because he was going to the bar with the guys.
He was amazed that I don't care that he hunts. I told him that I don't want to be told that I can't shop with my friends or things like that, so why would I care that he wants to go hunting. If he loves it, he should do it.
He says, "I hope that's true because I've lost a few girlfriends and an ex-wife over hunting and my job." I just laughed and laughed.
It makes me feel good that he is worried about that.
Monday, January 15, 2007
Thursday, January 11, 2007
Does anyone read this?
I'm not sure that anyone reads this.
I know 2 people do, but I don't know how often.
I'm not sure why I do this....maybe just for me.
I know 2 people do, but I don't know how often.
I'm not sure why I do this....maybe just for me.
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
Not so bad
Ok, so Marc isn't so bad.
We had a great dinner, great conversation, and I let him kiss me some more.
I can't take a compliment though. WAIT-- I can't recognize one, even.
He calls me on the way home. He asks how my day was. I ask how his was. His response, "It was OK. It will be better in a little while now." I said, "Why, because you aren't at work?" He says, "NO, because I'm going to dinner with youuuu." Me, to myself, "YOU IDIOT!" To him, "Oh, you are so sweet."
I'M AN IDIOT!
He was telling me that he was saying all day that they had to quit at 5:00 because he had to get home. He said they were teasing him about having a hot date and he told them that was right. I handled that a little bit better!
We had a great dinner, great conversation, and I let him kiss me some more.
I can't take a compliment though. WAIT-- I can't recognize one, even.
He calls me on the way home. He asks how my day was. I ask how his was. His response, "It was OK. It will be better in a little while now." I said, "Why, because you aren't at work?" He says, "NO, because I'm going to dinner with youuuu." Me, to myself, "YOU IDIOT!" To him, "Oh, you are so sweet."
I'M AN IDIOT!
He was telling me that he was saying all day that they had to quit at 5:00 because he had to get home. He said they were teasing him about having a hot date and he told them that was right. I handled that a little bit better!
I thought I would let him chase me.
OK, on Sunday, Marc asked me if I wanted to go to dinner sometime this week. I said, "yes." He asked what days weren't good. I said, "Thursday."
Yesterday, at 3:40 (when he thought school was out) he sent me a text that asked if I had a good day and did I have plans. During the day, I had made plans to work out with Allison and then to grocery shop with Tracy. (We hadn't been to the grocery store in about 3 weeks!) I told him that I had made plans. I called him on the way to work out. He didn't ask about another night this week. He doesn't get home from work until 6:30 or 7:00 and said he didn't want to make me wait that late to eat.
Around 9:30, I got a good night text.
I responded with a text that said, "Will I get to see you this week?"
He said, "Do you want to do something Saturday?"
I WAS DISAPPOINTED- which I had to laugh at myself about.
Me: I guess I can wait until Saturday.
Marc: Have you ever eaten at Hickory Grill? When do you want to go?
Me: I love the Hickory Grill. How about tomorrow?
He called me. (Wait, wasn't I letting him chase me? Didn't I just force him to make a date this week? Oh brother!)
I wrote to my pastor yesterday about this situation. (divorce and child)
He sent back a thoughtful response about h0w he thought it was good that I'm using my head to guide and guard my heart. He says he mailed me an article with some Biblically based points of view on divorce and remarriage. He wants me to struggle with it a little bit and then he wants to meet to talk and pray. (He is on study leave for the next 2 weeks -- I'm glad I caught him before he is unavailable.)
Yesterday, at 3:40 (when he thought school was out) he sent me a text that asked if I had a good day and did I have plans. During the day, I had made plans to work out with Allison and then to grocery shop with Tracy. (We hadn't been to the grocery store in about 3 weeks!) I told him that I had made plans. I called him on the way to work out. He didn't ask about another night this week. He doesn't get home from work until 6:30 or 7:00 and said he didn't want to make me wait that late to eat.
Around 9:30, I got a good night text.
I responded with a text that said, "Will I get to see you this week?"
He said, "Do you want to do something Saturday?"
I WAS DISAPPOINTED- which I had to laugh at myself about.
Me: I guess I can wait until Saturday.
Marc: Have you ever eaten at Hickory Grill? When do you want to go?
Me: I love the Hickory Grill. How about tomorrow?
He called me. (Wait, wasn't I letting him chase me? Didn't I just force him to make a date this week? Oh brother!)
I wrote to my pastor yesterday about this situation. (divorce and child)
He sent back a thoughtful response about h0w he thought it was good that I'm using my head to guide and guard my heart. He says he mailed me an article with some Biblically based points of view on divorce and remarriage. He wants me to struggle with it a little bit and then he wants to meet to talk and pray. (He is on study leave for the next 2 weeks -- I'm glad I caught him before he is unavailable.)
Sunday, January 07, 2007
Not as much to say
So, since Thanksgiving, I've had many things to say and tons to post.
I haven't had as much to say since the New Year started. I've forced myself to do it AND I know that they aren't as content rich as in the past.
I wish I had more to say, but I'm glad that the heartache is dulling. Although through all of this, the love hasn't changed. I'm wondering when it will....when will I love him less or not at all?
I haven't had as much to say since the New Year started. I've forced myself to do it AND I know that they aren't as content rich as in the past.
I wish I had more to say, but I'm glad that the heartache is dulling. Although through all of this, the love hasn't changed. I'm wondering when it will....when will I love him less or not at all?
Confusion....
Gary totally confuses me. HE wanted to be friends, now that I have been trying really hard for that, he can't seem to handle it.
Marc on the other hand, is still calling quite consistently. I do not enjoy talking on the phone with him because we seem to have nothing to talk about on the phone. (We have stuff to talk about in person, weird.) I decided yesterday that I think I'm going to try it at least through Valentine's Day. I'm not sure, though. I THINK.
However, if Gary called me, I'd run back to him in a hearbeat.
Marc on the other hand, is still calling quite consistently. I do not enjoy talking on the phone with him because we seem to have nothing to talk about on the phone. (We have stuff to talk about in person, weird.) I decided yesterday that I think I'm going to try it at least through Valentine's Day. I'm not sure, though. I THINK.
However, if Gary called me, I'd run back to him in a hearbeat.
Friday, January 05, 2007
I am pa-the-tic!
OK, the last call was Tuesday.
I thought I would get Wednesday off. He didn't call on Thursday either, so (being the needy girl who wants to make sure she gets the attention she wants) I sent him a text. We texted back and forth a few times and then I went to bed.
Tonight, he sends a text. Then, calls me.
I was happy about it until I learned that he was with his kid -- in the truck! I told him that maybe this wasn't the best time to talk. He said, "Oh, we talk all the time" -- meaning he talks to his kid all the time. I just didn't feel right about it. So, I said I had to get my homework started.
I thought I would get Wednesday off. He didn't call on Thursday either, so (being the needy girl who wants to make sure she gets the attention she wants) I sent him a text. We texted back and forth a few times and then I went to bed.
Tonight, he sends a text. Then, calls me.
I was happy about it until I learned that he was with his kid -- in the truck! I told him that maybe this wasn't the best time to talk. He said, "Oh, we talk all the time" -- meaning he talks to his kid all the time. I just didn't feel right about it. So, I said I had to get my homework started.
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
I'm loving it!
Marc didn't call today and I'm so glad!
I'm liking him more every day that he doesn't call me.
Weird?
I just like being given my space!
Whew!
I'm liking him more every day that he doesn't call me.
Weird?
I just like being given my space!
Whew!
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
Happy New Year - 2 things.
Happy New Year!
I can't believe that it has been 3 days since I posted!
I've been overwhelmed.
I went out with Marc again on Saturday night, which I told you.
Sunday, I went for a walk, got home, took a shower, and discovered a text that said:
"Good Morning, Sunshine."
I said, "SHIT!" "SHIT, SHIT, SHIT!"
Later, he called me DURING CHURCH. (I had the phone on vibrate.)
I called him back and we had a quick chat. Justin was picking us up to go to the local bar to watch the last Steelers game, so I rushed him off the phone. He said, "Call me after the game." I was in such a hurry that I said OK. Then, I was mad at myself.
So, I decided not to call. Well, then he called me. I ignored the call and he left some message about the Steeler game. (He doesn't like Pittsburgh.) I waited a few hours and sent a text that said something like, "Now that's how you win a football game. No time to talk-- call me in a few days. Happy New Year!"
I get a response that says, "Did I do something wrong?"
Me: "Just take your time."
Him (paraphrased): "OK, I don't want to mess this up. You are very cute and nice and I've had more fun in the last 2 days that I have had in a long time."
ME (not texting) : ARGHHHHH!
I didn't respond. I didn't think it was necessary. That night, I got a text that said, "Happy New Year." I didn't respond. I didn't think it was necessary.
He respected me and didn't call me yesterday. I was so glad -- I'll tell you about that in a minute.
He did call tonight. I was having dinner with Tracy and Mandy, so I asked if I could call him back. I did. We had a nice, 28 minute phone call. It was so much more relaxed. He wasn't pressuring me at all. Finally, I said that I needed to get ready for school tomorrow. He said, "You are really busy this week, aren't you?" I said yes and reminded him of what I've got going on. He said that he was hoping that we could have dinner sometime and would I wait to eat with him since he doesn't get home until about 7:00. I said that would be nice, just not this week. He seemed ok with that. He asked if next week was good and I said yes. We left it at that. I don't have to worry about this weekend because he has his son and I'm very busy.
THE OTHER BIG NEWS: Tracy and Justin got engaged! YEAH! They are thinking about a summer wedding. They got engaged on New Years Eve and have been hot on the phone making arrangements! It is cute-- Justin is more excited than she is. He is already making his guest list!
I better get to bed.
Love you!
I can't believe that it has been 3 days since I posted!
I've been overwhelmed.
I went out with Marc again on Saturday night, which I told you.
Sunday, I went for a walk, got home, took a shower, and discovered a text that said:
"Good Morning, Sunshine."
I said, "SHIT!" "SHIT, SHIT, SHIT!"
Later, he called me DURING CHURCH. (I had the phone on vibrate.)
I called him back and we had a quick chat. Justin was picking us up to go to the local bar to watch the last Steelers game, so I rushed him off the phone. He said, "Call me after the game." I was in such a hurry that I said OK. Then, I was mad at myself.
So, I decided not to call. Well, then he called me. I ignored the call and he left some message about the Steeler game. (He doesn't like Pittsburgh.) I waited a few hours and sent a text that said something like, "Now that's how you win a football game. No time to talk-- call me in a few days. Happy New Year!"
I get a response that says, "Did I do something wrong?"
Me: "Just take your time."
Him (paraphrased): "OK, I don't want to mess this up. You are very cute and nice and I've had more fun in the last 2 days that I have had in a long time."
ME (not texting) : ARGHHHHH!
I didn't respond. I didn't think it was necessary. That night, I got a text that said, "Happy New Year." I didn't respond. I didn't think it was necessary.
He respected me and didn't call me yesterday. I was so glad -- I'll tell you about that in a minute.
He did call tonight. I was having dinner with Tracy and Mandy, so I asked if I could call him back. I did. We had a nice, 28 minute phone call. It was so much more relaxed. He wasn't pressuring me at all. Finally, I said that I needed to get ready for school tomorrow. He said, "You are really busy this week, aren't you?" I said yes and reminded him of what I've got going on. He said that he was hoping that we could have dinner sometime and would I wait to eat with him since he doesn't get home until about 7:00. I said that would be nice, just not this week. He seemed ok with that. He asked if next week was good and I said yes. We left it at that. I don't have to worry about this weekend because he has his son and I'm very busy.
THE OTHER BIG NEWS: Tracy and Justin got engaged! YEAH! They are thinking about a summer wedding. They got engaged on New Years Eve and have been hot on the phone making arrangements! It is cute-- Justin is more excited than she is. He is already making his guest list!
I better get to bed.
Love you!
Saturday, December 30, 2006
Date # 2
OK, we went out again tonight.
"We are Marshall" and Eat'n Park.
I told him that I am not ready to meet his son tomorrow. I told him that I never dated anyone with a kid and that I want to take that REALLY slow. He seemed to understand that.
I let him kiss me.
I told Tracy tonight : "This guy is going to say he loves me in 2 weeks." She said, "You are so right!"
"We are Marshall" and Eat'n Park.
I told him that I am not ready to meet his son tomorrow. I told him that I never dated anyone with a kid and that I want to take that REALLY slow. He seemed to understand that.
I let him kiss me.
I told Tracy tonight : "This guy is going to say he loves me in 2 weeks." She said, "You are so right!"
Friday, December 29, 2006
So many thoughts
Ok. I just got home. We did dinner, bowling, the bar (connected to bowling alley), and then Kings for coffee. He is cute. Tall, blonde, goatee, broad. Country. Boots & a baseball cap. Used to ride bulls.
Divorced. Seven year old son named Garrett (I said country.)
We had fun and had a nice time talking.
He asked me to go to a New Year's Eve party...then told me that his son will be there. THEN - he asked me to go out tomorrow night, too.
I need some time to process this, but right now I'm getting the vibe that he is LONELY! I liked him, but I'm not ready to spend my entire weekend with him.
Tom Caves asked me today if he is a Christian. I said that I didn't know. We were talking about tattoos tonight and I told him that one of mine is of the trinity. He said, "What's that?" No problem, I tell him it is for the father, the son, and the holy ghost. He says, "Oh, I didn't know." So, I'm guessing he is not a Christian.
I need more time to process. Right now I'm cursing Gary. I don't think that I'm ready to date someone because the whole time I kept forcing myself.
Tomorrow will be a good chance to talk some more. Maybe he'll grow on me.
For now, I must sleep.
Divorced. Seven year old son named Garrett (I said country.)
We had fun and had a nice time talking.
He asked me to go to a New Year's Eve party...then told me that his son will be there. THEN - he asked me to go out tomorrow night, too.
I need some time to process this, but right now I'm getting the vibe that he is LONELY! I liked him, but I'm not ready to spend my entire weekend with him.
Tom Caves asked me today if he is a Christian. I said that I didn't know. We were talking about tattoos tonight and I told him that one of mine is of the trinity. He said, "What's that?" No problem, I tell him it is for the father, the son, and the holy ghost. He says, "Oh, I didn't know." So, I'm guessing he is not a Christian.
I need more time to process. Right now I'm cursing Gary. I don't think that I'm ready to date someone because the whole time I kept forcing myself.
Tomorrow will be a good chance to talk some more. Maybe he'll grow on me.
For now, I must sleep.
bowling scores
Tuesday night I rolled 109, 127, and 155.
Tonight, I rolled 124, 142, and 181.
Can't wait for tomorrow!
Tonight, I rolled 124, 142, and 181.
Can't wait for tomorrow!
Thursday, December 28, 2006
D-A-T-E
Daring to
Allow someone
To get to know
Everything about me
I have a date tomorrow.
We're going bowling and to dinner.
Marc is his name.
I CAN'T WAIT!
Allow someone
To get to know
Everything about me
I have a date tomorrow.
We're going bowling and to dinner.
Marc is his name.
I CAN'T WAIT!
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
No Sex and the City
OK, so I sat in my Weight Watchers meeting and cried today.
My leader thought I was crying about my 6 pound weight gain.
(did I mention that there were only 4 people at the meeting?)
I wasn't crying about the weight gain. (Although I should--6 pounds in 6 days--come on!)
What was I crying about?
MEN.
Will I ever find someone who loves me and wants to be with me, yet will wait to have sex with me, yet loves to drink beer? I was crying because I was crying. I'm unhappy with my dating life, I'm unhappy at work, I'm unhappy with my church. I am such an emotional mess. I have to do something to get over this. But, what? I'll tell you what ISN'T working--eating, that's for sure. I will say that I'm thinking about seeing a counselor. I'm not talking about my preacher... he has an agenda--as does any minister. I'm talking about finding a "talking doctor" to go to. My insurance covers it.
It also has me thinking about New Year's Resolutions.
I'm thinking about giving up men for the new year; taking a year off. I don't know what that would prove, but it might make me focus on more important things. I'm also thinking of imposing a year long bedtime for myself. I'm thinking 9:00. Is it possible to be in bed by 9:30 for 365 days in a row? I'm not so sure.
What is your resolution?
My leader thought I was crying about my 6 pound weight gain.
(did I mention that there were only 4 people at the meeting?)
I wasn't crying about the weight gain. (Although I should--6 pounds in 6 days--come on!)
What was I crying about?
MEN.
Will I ever find someone who loves me and wants to be with me, yet will wait to have sex with me, yet loves to drink beer? I was crying because I was crying. I'm unhappy with my dating life, I'm unhappy at work, I'm unhappy with my church. I am such an emotional mess. I have to do something to get over this. But, what? I'll tell you what ISN'T working--eating, that's for sure. I will say that I'm thinking about seeing a counselor. I'm not talking about my preacher... he has an agenda--as does any minister. I'm talking about finding a "talking doctor" to go to. My insurance covers it.
It also has me thinking about New Year's Resolutions.
I'm thinking about giving up men for the new year; taking a year off. I don't know what that would prove, but it might make me focus on more important things. I'm also thinking of imposing a year long bedtime for myself. I'm thinking 9:00. Is it possible to be in bed by 9:30 for 365 days in a row? I'm not so sure.
What is your resolution?
Tuesday, December 26, 2006
Bowling
OK, so Tracy and I went bowling.
Two reasons:
1. To use the bowling ball that Gary got me and not feel bad about it.
2. To practice up before my big date with MARC.
It was fun. I bowled a 109, 127, 157. Roll on.
Then, we went to a local watering hole. I had an "electric lemonade" which knocked me on my ass! It was fun and I didn't like the taste of it, but MAN it was ELECTRIC.
Gary and I had a fight today, but I'll blog about it later.
Two reasons:
1. To use the bowling ball that Gary got me and not feel bad about it.
2. To practice up before my big date with MARC.
It was fun. I bowled a 109, 127, 157. Roll on.
Then, we went to a local watering hole. I had an "electric lemonade" which knocked me on my ass! It was fun and I didn't like the taste of it, but MAN it was ELECTRIC.
Gary and I had a fight today, but I'll blog about it later.
Contemplating
It has been very close to a month since the break-up, and I am finding that I've not taken it very well. I wanted to keep my dignity and wait for him to realize how dumb he is. When I call him or text him, I'm not giving him that chance. I haven't quite closed the gap between heartbroken ex girlfriend and psycho, but I've found myself teetering on the edge.
I want to be able to say that I've done nothing wrong.
Yesterday, Christmas Day, all that I wanted was to talk to him. I wanted him to call me. So, later in the day, I sent a text. He responded a few times, and then we were done. I was too proud to call.
He is my measuring stick. I went to a party on Friday. There was a single guy there who people have wanted to fix me up with. I was friendly and tried to be open about it. The whole time, I kept thinking about how he wasn't Gary. I was comparing him and his traits to Gary. Will it always be like this?
Merry Day After Christmas.
I want to be able to say that I've done nothing wrong.
Yesterday, Christmas Day, all that I wanted was to talk to him. I wanted him to call me. So, later in the day, I sent a text. He responded a few times, and then we were done. I was too proud to call.
He is my measuring stick. I went to a party on Friday. There was a single guy there who people have wanted to fix me up with. I was friendly and tried to be open about it. The whole time, I kept thinking about how he wasn't Gary. I was comparing him and his traits to Gary. Will it always be like this?
Merry Day After Christmas.
Monday, December 25, 2006
Sunday, December 24, 2006
I love Christmas on Christmas Eve
My sister and bro-in-law got me:
Two beautiful pairs of silver earrings
A wooden replica of Beaver Stadium to add to my PSU collection
Cool, thick socks
My parents got me:
3 lb weights
Mary Kay brush set
2 sets of towels (including the BIG bath sheets that I LOVE)
Flannel sheets....with these cute penguins on them
A fuzzy green blanket for my bed
Some weird soaps
A shop vac!
I think that I got every single thing on my Christmas list!
I'm so thankful.
Oh wait, I just checked. I got everything but the subscription to InStyle magazine, I guess I"ll have to suck it up and get that for myself! ;)
Two beautiful pairs of silver earrings
A wooden replica of Beaver Stadium to add to my PSU collection
Cool, thick socks
My parents got me:
3 lb weights
Mary Kay brush set
2 sets of towels (including the BIG bath sheets that I LOVE)
Flannel sheets....with these cute penguins on them
A fuzzy green blanket for my bed
Some weird soaps
A shop vac!
I think that I got every single thing on my Christmas list!
I'm so thankful.
Oh wait, I just checked. I got everything but the subscription to InStyle magazine, I guess I"ll have to suck it up and get that for myself! ;)
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