Stressed

Ok, I feel pulled in WAY too many directions.
School, extras, grad school, friends, roommate, boyfriend....etc.
Somethings gotta' give.
What do I do?

I spend so much time at school worrying about stuff that isn't classroom related. I think the classroom suffers.

HOW IN THE HELL DO I TELL MY BOSS THAT I CAN'T DO MY JOB BECAUSE OF MY JOB?

Space? Alone time?

Ok, it has never been a secret that he needs to be alone sometimes. My question is this: how can I give him time away from me without feeling rejected? I was away this weekend, which I know he was excited about. We decided to come home early--for multiple reasons. I could tell that he wasn't thrilled about that. I told him that we didn't have to see each other....which he was reluctant to agree to. He knew that I wanted to see him. I don't want him to resent me, though, so I said we didn't have to see each other. He told me that he didn't want to be a jerk, but he really just wanted to sit on his couch alone.

Fine. So, I'm trying to be ok with that. I'm watching TV, I'm playing on the computer, I'm thinking of calling someone else to go out with. Then, he sends me a text that says, "Thanks for being understanding." I wanted to scream, "I DON'T UNDERSTAND!" I didn't respond at all. I think that if he wants alone time, we aren't going to talk during it. So, I watched the PSU game and did laundry.

Today, I get up and he sent me a text at 9:00 AM that said, "Brrr, can you help to warm me up?" (His apartment is cold.) It ticked me off. I sent him a response that said, "Tease."

I just don't get it. I don't get me, either.

Damn it! Who prayed for patience for me?

You know I do not pray for patience....because God will make me wait for it.
I called the doctor today to schedule an appointment for a check-up and the birth control talk.
Guess how long I have to wait for an appointment----OVER A MONTH!
COME ON! Now, who is laughing ?
I guess this gives me some more time to think about my decision.

oh, birth control

Holy cow.
It is so stressful to pick a woman doctor.
Why on earth is it so hard? I guess because God has a plan.

MAS

Birth Control

I hate that abstinence is the only 100% type of birth control. I hate that my boyfriend doesn't want to have sex with me because he doesn't want me to be pregnant.

MassageOil Part 2

Ok, tonight it was even better!
Good purchase.

MassageOil

...is WONDERFUL.
The warming kind. Oh, so delicious!
So relaxing.
It made me write tons of sentence fragments!
Love and lust and intimacy, yum.

Feeling sad....

Depression is setting in.....it may be that I'm overwhelmed.
I don't know how to dig myself out of this.
I can list all of the good things in my life, but still feel gross.
I need to take a bath, I think.

Thanks, God

Ok, I've been struggling with really wanting to have sex.
I'm sick. I mean it--I've got a cold.
Thank God!

Also, we went for Chinese tonight. Are you one of those people who says, "in bed" at the end of your fortune? Gary is. Listen to our fortunes:
Mine: Determination is what you need now (in bed). How funny since I am determined to save sex for marriage.
His: Do not put off till tomorrow what can be enjoyed today (in bed). How ironic--I'm trying to not have sex and his fortune says to not put things off!

Ironic.

SEX-- tired of waiting.

OK, Val, so you are the only one reads this, I think.
At one time, Carrie and Susan did, too---but I don't think they check it anymore.

ANYWAY--my married friends say that sex is over-rated. (Most of them.) It is so tempting. I'm sure part of the lure is that it is forbidden..... but MAN is it tough!

Usually, I am not the one who draws the line. However, today, I was. It was hard....because if I had wanted to continue, he totally would have. It is funny to me that I think I actually wanted to preserve his virginity, not mine.

I've got a long road of cold showers ahead of me.
I hate that.

Contentment

I'm so happy.
I'm really content with how things are now.

I want to sleep over.

I am so tired.
I know that I would be well rested if I could just stay with him and truly sleep.
If we could get in bed and go to sleep at 10:00 instead of being together on the couch until one of us forces me to leave, (much, much later than that) I know we would both be healthier.
We have to figure something out.

I said it.

I said "I love you" tonight.
He said, "Those are strong words."
He didn't say it back, but I told him that he didn't have to. He said that he wasn't quite ready yet.
I thought that I would be upset if he didn't say it back, but I'm just glad that I said it and that he knows.
MAS

Vulnerability

He knows me so well.....it totally freaks me out.
I hate that someone knows me inside and out, but at the same time, I LOVE IT!

What's my prob?

OH!
I'm moody, grumpy, want to cry, stress eating......
It isn't my time of the month.
What is it?
OH MY!
I think it is that I love him! I really want to tell him, but I'm so scared.
Aack. I've never never felt this way.
I need to get a grip!

New BF

OK, so now that I'm dating someone new, I feel like posting.
Here is a picture.....more to come later!
MAS

Weddings, Weddings

Well, over Labor Day, I went to another wedding. I asked my friend Tom to go with me. Here are the pictures. They include me, Tom, my friends Jeannie & Allison. It was a good time! I'm glad we went.

Tom & Mary Alice--not my favorite smile, but I'll take it. 

Who knows what was happening here? 

MAS, Allison, Jeannie--friends from work