Thoughts in my mind

1. It is Friday night and we are canning peppers (hot and sweet) and making and canning salsa. Oh, the wildness!



2. School is wearing me out, but I have a great bunch of kids and I'm going to have fun this year.

Our wedding

I want to run away to get married.
Marc- I'm not sure if I can convince him.

Your questions answered

First, I'm sorry for not blogging much this week. I am taking the most intense class ever. The teacher is intense, it is all day, and then we have hours of homework each night.....I'll be so glad when I'm finished.

Garrett is now allowed to play outside at his mom's house....so really, there was no punishment.
Here, he isn't allowed to play the XBox.... I don't know how long Marc set that for with him.

I went to his first football scrimmage last night. He had fun. I only stayed for about an hour, as I had homework to do. I told him in advance, so that he would know. I hated that. I wanted to be there the whole time for him. At least I was there....no one from his mom's ghetto trailer showed up.

Wasted Punishments

OK, the punishment for Garrett and his sister was that they weren't allowed to play outside for the rest of the summer. (Talk about punishing yourself!)
Friday, Marc took Garrett home and there was his sister playing outside. Well, you see, they felt bad that Garrett gets to go to football practice....so you know, his sister should get to be outside....and now they are allowed to play outside all over again.
STUPID.
Those kids have learned that their "parents" don't follow through.
STUPID.

Update: More Details Roll In

Ok, when the ex's boyfriend comes home from work, he has more info.
He says he saw the kids drag all of the stuff in SUNDAY NIGHT. It was like 10:30 (yes, they let the kids roam the park that late at night!) and he called the kids in. They started dragging the stuff in and he told them to return it. They said that they lady's granddaughter had given it to them.
Also, the 10 year old sister had at some point taken the ex's digital camera, taken pictures, and then hidden the camera! ( I guess she DID have more information.)
The ex's boyfriend (who is an ass, but MIGHT be right) thinks the granddaughter gave the stuff away, then when cornered said the kids stole it.
What I'm upset about, and I told Garrett this, is that he didn't tell the truth.

Stepson + State Police = Time to Parent and Provide Consequences

OK, long story short.
Marc gets a call from ex-wife. Something happened in the trailer park, Garrett might be involved, the police are there, she wants Marc to come and try to get him to spill it.
Marc takes off.

Apparently, Garrett, his older sister (10) and 2 neighbor kids took some stuff from a neighbor's back yard. Ex-wife told police the stuff wasn't in her house, but let them search. They found 4 crates of stuff AND a duffel bag in the sister's room! (I guess she isn't much of a housekeeper, anyway.) (Ex was probably sleeping during all of the thievery -- she works nights.)
Garrett told his mom and police that he knew nothing about it. He told Marc he had taken a few things and that he didn't know how the stuff got into his sister's room.
All kids had to apologize to neighbor.
Marc's ex says that Garrett was the ringleader. Marc says he believes Garrett. (I'm sorta suspicious of the fact that he claims he doesn't know how the stuff got in his sister's room -- they do EVERYTHING together!)

Anyway, we were discussing punishment, ahem, consequences. We agreed that the punishment should fit the crime. (For example, at the park, he should have to play in the yard for a period of time because he can't be trusted to roam the park.) BUT, we don't know what we should do here. The four wheeler is broken, so that won't work. Marc suggested no video games, but I'm not sure that fits the crime, either. I said how about no video games and no TV -- that's what he does for fun here. Marc can't stand to be without the TV...

This is why I didn't want to be a parent....

Marc is currently getting Garrett for football practice. I went swimming, but Marc wanted me to be here when he brings Garrett home. I do not know what to say!

I told Marc that I want Garrett to know that we all make mistakes, but that he needs to tell the truth. I don't want him to be known as a thief or a liar.

HELP!

I made him do it!

First, thanks for the comments about the turtle. I just want it to be clear that I do not want to take care of ANY animals (since we already have a dog, a goat, a rooster, and 2 chickens) let alone animals for a kid who doesn't get to come here but every other weekend! (It would be MY turtle.)

Second, I have been hinting and SAYING that we (meaning he) need to clean out the closet in the spare room. This is the agreed upon resting place for some of my belongings. He has been totally avoiding it and I refuse to try to organize his stuff. I told him the other day that we don't have to throw anything away, we just need to organize it. FINALLY, today, I said, "Come in here with me. I will help you, but I won't boss you. Make room for me, please." It was SO PRODUCTIVE! I now have ALMOST everything put away. I have almost everything set up for the computer. (I need to attempt the wireless router, but I wanted to post before I tried that.

It feels so good to accomplish stuff!

Nightfishin...

Last night, we put on our dirty clothes, put on bug spray, bought our chicken livers and night crawlers, drove to the swamp and went cat fishing.

I caught the most. (Although I'll share the prize with Marc -- he put the bait on and took whatever I caught off the hook--or cut the hook a few times!) I caught 2 catfish, 2 weird "alien" fish (I'm going to try to look them up today--they were mean and very strange looking.), AND a snapping turtle.

Garrett cried the whole way home because we didn't keep the snapping turtle.

How embarrassing -- to meet a "celebrity!"

OK, so it is Saturday.
We were hungry, so we ran into town for breakfast. I didn't take a shower or brush my hair, just pulled it back.

Who walks in but Marc's cousin who was on Survivor?! (This is our first meeting!) She sits down in the booth with me and makes a big fuss about us getting engaged! Not only am I a dirty greaseball, but after she leaves I realize that I've dropped marinara sauce on my boob!

Oh well, such is life!

Unpacking...

Still unpacking boxes. It is so hard.
I have albums and albums of pictures and no where to put them! I do not know what I'm going to do with them! :(

A complete combination of homes

OK, today we went to the apartment for the remaining things.
I made 4 piles: coming here, going to my parents' barn, school, trash. Oh, there was a small pile for Tracy as well.

Then, we brought everything here that comes here. (I'll deal with the rest tomorrow.) Our den is FILLED with my stuff. Marc doesn't understand why one would want (or need) so many books! I do need to go through some more and get rid of some stuff, but it becomes overwhelming. (Marc also mentioned to me today that he invited some of our friends over Friday night---I'm thinking this is simply a ploy to make me unpack quicker, but he swears it is true!)

It is so hard to find a place to put things. He wants to make room, but isn't sure what to move, either.

Pray for us! :)

FOOTBALL STEP MOM

OK, who out there knew that if your kid (or step kid to be) plays football (pee wee, by the way- he's 8) you have to commit your entire life to it!

I'm not exaggerating! Last night, Garrett had his first football practice. You can play when you are 7, but he didn't play last year. Marc was asked to help coach, so he was going to practice. His ex calls and says she can't go to the parent meeting. SO--I HAVE TO GO! OK, no problem. Practice is 6-8, meeting is 7:30. Marc wants me to go along for the whole thing. Fine. I take a magazine and catch up on some phone calls. This is what I didn't know: parents go to every practice! There were about 40 kids, about 15 dads on the field as coaches and easily 50-60 moms and siblings there with their blankets and lawn chairs TO WATCH PRACTICE!

Oh, did I mention that they practice every day of the week until school starts? Did I mention that games are on Saturdays and a random mom told me not to plan anything on Saturdays because I will be there ALL DAY!

I don't mind going to games and I want to do whatever I can to cheer Garrett on, but COME ON!

I managed to get out of going tonight. I played on the Internet, took a long bath, scrubbed the summer dirt off of my feet and lotioned all up. I'm about to settle onto the couch and find something girly on TV.

I feel selfish because I don't want to spend 6 days a week at the football field. I will probably do it, for Garrett. My question is this: Am I wrong to think it crazy to want to watch practice?

An even trade?

Ok, so lunch with Jen and Mike was fun. I'm anxious to hear what they say about Marc. As we were leaving, Jen said, "He's so cute." But that's all I know.

We gave gifts to one another. They gave us the new Harry Potter book. (They had 2.) We gave them a zucchini and some chocolate zucchini bread. Would you say that is an even trade? I'm thinking that we got the better end of the deal! ;)

Lunch with Jen and Mike

We are having lunch with Mike and Jen today.
I just called her to give directions to the restaurant. She was teasing me about the zucchini bread, so I'm guessing she read my first post of the day.
So, I'm surprising her with a sample of it!
We'll see if she reads this before I see her and is expecting it....stay tuned!

Zucchini everywhere!

We are overrun with zucchini!
Yesterday, I made chocolate zucchini bread-- it was DELICIOUS!

The Internet, AT LAST

Marc's sister came over last night and helped me!
When I downloaded the DSL software, there were so many extra programs bundled. Something like 25 programs were running when I first turned the computer on. She helped me decide which ones to turn off.

Whew!

Now, I'm supposed to be doing work, but am so distracted!

Will you marry us?

Well, I thought I had my internet hooked up Monday night, but something is terribly wrong. At this point, I can't even use my computer. So, I'm at Marc's sister's using her computer for homework. (I'm in class again this week.)

We went to Myrtle Beach last week. (There were 10 of us.)

Garrett and Marc cornered my on the balcony. Marc got down on one knee and Garrett said, "Will you marry us?"

Here are a few pictures from the week!

I Promise...

to blog more faithfully once I get my Internet hooked up in my new house.

I told my parents a week ago. We all cried a little bit and my dad kept saying, "I don't know why you don't just get married," BUT they did OK with it.

We had a big "Father's Day lunch" yesterday where we had my parents, Marc's dad and step-mom, and Marc's mom and step dad over. It was very nice. Friday, I asked Garrett's mom if I could pick him up before Marc got home and the two of us could get a gift for Marc and she let me. So, Garrett was so happy to have a gift for Marc! We bought him a seat cover for his truck (which is also a gift for me since I hate sitting on the dirty seat) and a steering wheel cover. Yesterday, he kept saying, "Did you see my dad's truck?" It was so cute. Marc really appreciated it, too.

So, I've spent the last week taking care of utilities and slowly moving my things to Marc's. I have 2 boxes that fit in my car and I come here, fill the boxes and then head back to Marc's to find space. It is fun. Garrett loves seeing what I've brought and helping to find a place for things.

The Big Move

Ok, I haven't posted in a while because I haven't known how to say what I'm about to say.

We are almost sure that I'm moving in with him. The last piece of the puzzle is going to be telling my parents. It is a necessary evil as I live in the same town as they do AND they are my landlords.

Any advice?

I'm crying

I'm crying because I had to come HOME to my APARTMENT. The one without Marc. He has Garrett this weekend and I think that I shouldn't stay there when he is there. (I feel like he needs someone to TRY to set a good example--even if I am sleeping there every other night!)

I hated leaving. This isn't my home anymore, his place is.

Right now, I don't care if I have an engagement ring, or a fancy wedding, I just want to be married and be together.

I hate this! I hate it, I hate it, I hate it!

Oh, did I mention that I got home at 10:15 and my engaged roommate is already in bed. I guess you wouldn't want to spend a Saturday night with your fiancee, now would you?

Answers for Question Girl

Question Girl, you asked some questions in your comment and Val is demanding that I answer them.

Really, only 2 of my friends are giving me a hard time.
1. Tracy. Friend since H.S. and roommate of 17 months. Never single, can't handle it. Engaged to be married in August. Is jealous of me in many ways. (I know that sounds conceited, but it is true.) She is not outgoing and is jealous that I have many friends. Was jealous of last bf, too. Her fiance does not call for days at a time, is hours late, will go out of town for business for a week and not call. Fine, that is their business - but she wants to talk to him every day. She hates that I'm not here to keep her entertained when she is alone.

2. Mandy. Married. Friend for about 5 years. My friend, but has gotten to know Tracy through me. Opinion is affected by Tracy calling and talking about me.

I have talked with both of them about this situation.
Tracy says that I won't admit that I was wrong about him. (because I was overwhelmed by the attention and our differences when we first met) I told her that I am aware of the change in my opinion and that he knows of my original apprehension. I used to say that I didn't mind being alone some nights and that I need my alone time. I still need some time to myself (which I get when I ask for it), but I didn't know that I could love being with someone ALL THE TIME! I still think that it comes down to her missing me and being jealous that I found someone who gives me what she always wanted.

Mandy was upset that I got pissed when she voiced her opinion. I told her that I was pissed that she and Tracy couldn't be happy for me. Mandy and I have pretty much gotten over it, although I still see her exchange looks with Tracy when Marc calls me or texts me.

OK, girls. Does that cover it?

Another Thursday

Hi.
Tonight was WW night. I talked to Marc on the way home from school and told him that I'd call him when I got home from the meeting, sometime between 7:00 and 8:00. We were on our way home and at 7:15, my phone is ringing. I decided to ignore it. He leaves a message. Then, I get a text that says something like, "You can't talk for a second when you are with them?" This made me angry. Then, he calls again. So, I answer. He asks if I know where his insurance book is because his tooth (which he pulled himself earlier this week with pliers) is infected and he is in great pain. I tell him that I don't. Then, he says, (really snotty) "Sorry to bother you when you are with your friends." I didn't say anything. (We are all in a car together and they are listening!) I said that I was sorry for not answering because I didn't realize that he was in pain. He says, "I love it when you ignore me like that." I told him that I'd be home in 15 minutes and I'd call him then.

When I called he apologized for being mean. It was the pain. It probably was.

I do feel badly that he is in pain and I ignored him, but all that I ask for is one night a week.

In other news: he asked me to move in yesterday.
I cannot.

We've also been talking about marriage.

Anyway...

He misses me

OK, so tonight is Thursday. That means Weight Watchers with friends. (Usually, I look forward to this, but "friends" have been less than supportive about Marc, so I've been hating Thursdays, but ANYWAY.)

Marc called twice (once in response to a text that I sent requesting a photo text of his kid) and texted twice. I tried to be slick about it, but I could see the groans and looks from friends.

I talked to him when I got home and asked why he called me. The arrangement was that I would call him when I got home. He said that he thought I would be home. (He isn't angry or anything.) Then, I said that my friends would think that he had me on a short leash or thought he had to check up on me. His response? (strongly) "Just tell them that I miss you." I said that they wouldn't understand that. He said, "Who cares? Just tell them that."

I LOVE being with him every day and basically living with him. BUT -- I do not want to be smothered. To this point, I don't feel that way, but I worry that it will turn into that!

Any thoughts?

Update

So, I was waiting to update until someone noticed that it had been a month.
Way to go, Val!

Why haven't I updated? Well, truth be told, I've not been near my computer very much in the last month. Basically, I get home from work, work out, and head to Marc's where I sleep over unless he has Garrett. We have been having this big debate about whether I live there or not. I say no because I have nothing there other than a toothbrush. He says please bring things and start voting about decor, cleaning, organization. I say that I'm not doing those things without marriage, that it is his place to do what he wants with. It is ongoing.

We had Easter dinner with my family last night...my sister is in town, but will leave early today as she has to work tomorrow. Poor Garrett was the only kid. He dealt with it pretty well.

Today, we are going to his aunt's for lunch. I'm nervous about this and not really looking forward to it. I want to get to know his sister, but she has to work and isn't coming until later.

The challenges of life....

Passing Tests

OK, so, Marc continues to pass tests.
I'm not testing him, but as we progress, I realize things.

I think I said before that when I cooked for Gary, he would say, "This is good, but it would be better if..., etc." When I cook for Marc, he says, "You are going to spoil me by cooking like this! I could get used to this!"

When I would send cards to Gary, he would say, "Why do you waste your money?" When I send them to Marc, he says, "Got your card... you are so cute! Thank you."

I do not have regular mood swings with my period, but at times, I can be irrationally emotional. This past week, for example, included an occurrence like this. Tuesday, I left school early to go to the doctor. I was finished there by 3:00, so I did some grocery shopping and headed to Marc's. I started some laundry and began cooking dinner. He had a crappy day at work and was so excited to come home and find me cooking. We had dinner (which he LOVED) and then retired to the couch. Soon, he was snoring. No problem, he is tired, I think. So, I continue laundry, clean up, run the dishwasher, fix the coffee for the morning, try to be loud to wake him up, put my pj's on. He does not wake up...well, he stirs and goes back to sleep. After 2 hours and me waking him up 3 times and asking him to go to bed, I've had it! The third time, he says, "The dog needs to go out before we go to bed" and rolls back over. So, I put the dog out, wait for him to get up, let the dog back in, lock up, go over to him and say, "OK, the dog is ready, the coffee is ready, I'm ready to put my clothes back on and go home." His eyes pop open and he says, "OK, I'm coming." We get into bed, and I start crying. He begs to know. Finally, I tell him that I went there to be with him, not to listen to him snore and do all of his household chores. Then, I blurt out, "Is this what it is going to be like for the rest of our lives?" He says, "No! This is the first time in 2 MONTHS that I've slept like that. You know I'll help you." We get through it, and later he asks if I'm OK because I've been emotional lately. I say I might be getting my period and we laugh and he says he thought so. We've been laughing about it for days now. I was upset that he was sleeping, which is OK, but was totally emotional and overreacted. He was so understanding about it. Patient and kind, too.

Anyway, that's another test. Gary would have told me that I was crazy and wouldn't have been kind at all.

This week, I have noticed my feelings turning towards knowing that I want to be with Marc for always!

Oh, and this week, he said, "I love you" and I said it back!

Did you know...

that you only have to take birth control pills for one week before they are effective? I was thinking I had months or at least one month! Good gravy! Good think I didn't tell him that I got it.

I'm tired of living in 2 houses.

So, we've been dating for 2 months.
I (by far) spend more time at his house than mine....but my roommate is not nice to him.

I'm so tired of having things in 2 places...well, of having nothing at his place. I refuse to live there (so, I just sleep there and put last night's clothes back on) and I've only got a toothbrush there. He is after me to take some things there, but I feel like that will really be admitting that we could be close to living together.

Every day he asks me to come over and says how well he sleeps when I am next to him. While I love sleeping next to him, I sleep best alone when I know I can sleep until 7:00 AM, not 4:40! He wants me to stay in bed and keep sleeping, but once I'm up, I'm up.

Yesterday, at his place, we had friends over. The men went to get the pizza and we women stayed behind with the kids. While they were gone, she said to me, "Looks like he is fixing this place up for you!" (He got new carpet and has been working on some home improvement projects while being laid off these last few weeks.) I've thought the same thing and addressed it with him. That is his ex-wife's house. She picked it out. I know that I spend a lot of time there and that I sleep there, but I do not think that I can live there.

His Answers

1. He says he'll go with me. I want him to want to go for himself, not for me. Sticky situation.

2. His past is sordid. I know there were many. He was a wild man before he met me.

3. I think he gets tested regularly -- at a later time, I will need to ask more details.

4. I want to be on birth control-- in case. (Plus, it MIGHT make my period regular.) I'm not sure if I want to wait forever, but I want to be prepared.

5. I think he does love me. I won't ask the question. I know better. I'm going to let him say it first. He told me the other night that he isn't "totally in love, but I'm on my way." That's good enough for me.

My Questions

1. I can not be a woman who goes to church while her husband stays home. Can you deal with that?

2. What is your sexual past like? Just how many partners HAVE you had?

3. Why did you get tested last summer?

4. Do you know that I'm getting birth control next week but not telling you yet?

5. Do you love me?

An Idea for You

This isn't the exact pendant, but you get the idea....

Happy Valentine's Day

When I woke up this morning, I called Marc.
His first words to me were "Happy Valentine's Day."
The funny thing? I hadn't yet remembered what day it was. Isn't he sweet?

I can't wait to see him today.

School is canceled again today. So, I'm going to do some much needed cleaning in my bedroom and then focus on getting all dolled up for our date.

I'm kind of nervous about the drive in this snow. I just keep telling myself that I can take it slowly and carefully and I'll be fine.

Happy Valentine's Day. I'll report tomorrow about the rest of my gifts!

Pre-Valentine's Day

Good morning. No school today.

Last night, Marc and I ran to "town" for a few things. He had been planning to buy my Valentine's day gift tonight, but was worried because of all the snow that was predicted. I suggested we stop at the mall and split up. Fine.

So, we went into the mall. Allison called me as we were going in, so I sat on a bench and talked to her. I didn't pay attention to where he was going. ... I wanted to be surprised. He came out and she asked to talk to him. So, I gave him the phone. They were talking. So, then, he said he couldn't tell her what he got because I was listening. So, I walked away. He came and found me, hung up and we left. As we were pulling out of the lot, my phone rang again. It was Allison. She asked to talk to Marc again. She told him that he had to exchange what he bought. So, we turned around and went back to the mall. He wanted me to go into the store. I didn't want to because I wanted to be surprised. So, I called my friend, Carrie. She couldn't talk long, though, so I called Allison and said, "Don't tell me what it is, but please tell me that it isn't an engagement ring." She laughed and said, "It isn't."

Marc came out of the store and we left. He was sure that I knew what I was getting. I really didn't. He said, "I know that Allison told you." I told him that she didn't. He said, "What are you smiling about? Did you ask her?" I laughed and said that I just called and wanted to make sure that it wasn't a ring.

At his place, he gave me a wrapped gift. I wanted to wait until tomorrow night, but he wanted me to "wear it tomorrow because Allison will want to see it." So, I took it. I opened it and found this BEAUTIFUL diamond heart necklace. It was white gold. I put it on. Then, he told me that he had bought a yellow gold necklace. Allison had asked this question and hinted that I don't wear yellow gold. He didn't get the hint. So, that's why she called back. (That's a good friend!) Anyway, it is so beautiful.

He makes me happy.

I met Garrett

Ok, tonight, I met Garrett.

I went to their house. We went to dinner. We did some shopping for carpet at Lowe's. We went bowling. We went back to Marc's house to play Uno. I left.

I cried. A little.

This is so overwhelming. I'm really starting to like Marc. I mean, like care for him more than anyone....including how I felt about Gary. Now, there is this whole other person included in the equation.

Now, I liked Garrett. He liked me -- according to Marc. Marc says he is so happy because we met and had fun and like each other.

Can I be a step mother? Can I put someone else first? Do I want to do either of these things? Sometimes YES and sometimes NO!

Future of Cohabitation

Val asked some good questions about the future for my roommate and for me.
Well, when you ask about Tracy and Justin living together, I assume you mean once they are married. First, she will not live with him because he lives with his mother. (Although many predict that his mom will eventually live with them.) They have looked at some houses to buy or rent once they are married. She cried when she found out that our preacher won't marry you if you are living together -- can you believe some people think that is living in sin?!

As far as the future of Marc and I living together. We will not. I will not. He thinks you should have to live together before you are married. I do not. (Although the line gets fuzzy when one stays over as much as I do.) He has a house on his own property. So, it wouldn't make sense for him to move in with me. I do not want to live in the house that he built for his ex-wife, however. So, that does pose a problem.

Not to worry -- we've quite some time to think about our living situation, as this whole relationship is new.

In other news.....Marc didn't work today. So, he came to my school to get my car and go wash it! It was SO DIRTY that you couldn't see my license plate. The sweetness! He was the talk of the school! It was so cute! Makes me like him more every day!

Next, I'm meeting Garrett (his son) tomorrow night. We are going out for Chinese food and bowling. A few weeks ago, I made Marc some chocolate chip cookies. Garrett ate the whole plate and asked Marc to get him some more. So, I thought that I'd make him some cookies since we are meeting tomorrow. Marc says to me tonight, "I told Garrett about bowling tomorrow night and he is excited." I say, "Did you tell him about the cookies? I think that's why he is excited." He says, "Well, yeah, I did tell him."

I'm so close to being in love with this guy!

Another sleep over

I don't have keys to his place because he doesn't lock the doors.

I have just a toothbrush there.

He has nothing here.

I slept over again last night. It wasn't the plan. I was getting ready to come home and my roommate called to pick a fight. She can't be happy for me that I found someone who makes me happy and wants to be with me. I invited her and her fiance to a night out in 2 weeks and she feels like I only invited her because I was already going and it would be easy to combine. I have invited her out several times and she has turned me down. When I asked for this night, even, she was so wishy washy. I'm so ready for her to get married and move out. Then, she'll be Justin's problem.

What constitutes "living together?"

OK, so I'm getting a bad rep for being a poor blogger.
(Or LAZY, according to Question Girl.)

Here's the thing. He doesn't have the Internet and this will be the first night that I've slept in my own bed since last Wednesday. (I KNOW!)

I am sleeping here tonight. He is coming to visit, but will not sleep over. There are 2 reasons for this: his dogs and my roommate.

He thinks that a couple should live together before they get married. I do not. He thinks we're living together because we had 5 consecutive sleep overs. I think I was just snuggling up to him, putting last night's clothes on, and coming home for a shower and work.

Regardless, I need to stop it. I do love sleeping next to someone.

He met my friends on Saturday. They all liked him. I drank A LOT and my friends were quite worried that he would take advantage of me. He didn't. They said, "We like him, but we just didn't know yet if he would take advantage." One friend said, "Don't let him slip away!"

I met his family on Sunday. They were really nice. They like me a lot-- because I am making him "settle down." I really haven't done anything. He just likes doing boring things with me, I guess.

Anyway, tonight, I'm sleeping alone. I'm not looking forward to it, but I know that I need it.

My question to those who read this is: when does it change from "sleeping over" to "living together?"

Who needs sleep?

Good Morning.
Thanks to question girl, I realized that I haven't blogged in a few days.
That's because I've been busy seeing Marc every single day since my last entry.

Friday - we met my parents and had dinner at the Olive Garden.
Saturday - he made dinner for me and we just watched a movie on his couch.
Sunday - he helped me grade papers and we sat on my couch.
Monday - I went to his house, he got dinner for us, we watched my favorite shows, "How I Met Your Mother" and "The Class" and then we snuggled all night.
Tuesday - I hurried up and did some homework, he came over and we watched American Idol.
Wednesday - He came over, I made dinner for him, and we watched American Idol.
We are both very tired, but very happy.

I start parent- teacher conferences this morning, so I better get ready!
Have a great day and I'll try to keep you updated more regularly!

:)

Where is your line?

OK, so I have told Marc that I'm saving sex.
Tonight, he says, "so, what exactly don't you do?"

I buried my face in his chest!
I said, "I knew you were going to ask me that. You haven't crossed any lines yet. I would let you know if I was uncomfortable."
He says, "This is killing me! I just wasn't sure."

I didn't know how to answer him.
Finally, I told him where my line was.
He said OK.

I'm glad that he can be an adult as apparently I cannot.

Meet the Parents

I arranged a meeting between Marc and my parents.

We are going out to dinner tonight and driving past my parents house.
So, I said, "Let's stop by. I have a few things to pick up and drop off."

My parents are delighted! (Of course they are. I am a 31 year old, never married woman who doesn't bring men home.) Marc says, "OH! I get to meet the parents first?" He has been telling me how all of his parents (2 parents, 2 step parents) can't wait to meet me. I told him that I finally told my mom about him on Sunday and I figured she'd tell my dad. He told his mom about me after the first date. I'm not sure why I cooked up this idea of him meeting my parents right away. I think because I'm nervous about meeting his parents and I figured that if he has already met mine, it won't be that big of a deal. MAYBE? Or maybe I'm hoping something will go wrong and then we can be done. I'm really starting to care about him and that sort of scares me.

I think he might be a little bit nervous. He says, "Did you tell them that I'm a hill-billy from the backwoods?" I said, "No, I just said you were a big old country boy." He laughed. I said, "Why?" He said, "Because you said that I'm not like the guys you usually date." I said, "Well, this is true, however, you are like the guy my sister married." That is true in some ways. Matt and Marc have similar farming experiences.... but that's about where the similarities end.

Anyway. That's tonight. I'm quite excited!

The Talk

Tonight, we had "the talk."
Does he want to remarry? YES
Do I want to marry? YES
Do I want to have children? Not sure, probably not.
Does he want more children? Not sure, probably not!

Oh, man. This is going way too well.

The sickness

So, my mother took me to the ER today to get some medicine for this cold.
I wanted to just go to the doctor tomorrow, but my dad yelled at me, told me I should have gone last week and told me that I'd never get in to see the doctor tomorrow.

So, I asked to speak to my mother and she took me.

I got a Zpack and the doctor thinks I have sinusitis. I, however, disagree. My sinuses are fine. My glands are totally swollen - it hurts to swallow -- and my chest hurts. Whatever. The zpack works on any infection, so it will work.

The bad news? All pharmacies are closed at this time on Sunday, so I have to wait until tomorrow.

The good news? Marc wanted to come over and hold me. I didn't let him because I need to rest, but I thought it was SWEET!

Boys, Sex, Bridesmaids Dresses, My Body

So, Marc came over last night, too.
We watched Eight Below and sat under a blanket. It was so nice.
I love being held.
I love when he says, "Damn, you are so good lookin'."

He stayed until almost 1:00. He had to get up for work at 4:45....... I love that he stayed until I threw him out. Gary always thought he would turn into a pumpkin at 10:00 - he ran from here when the clock struck!

I love when he touches my sides....it makes me want to continue with my weight loss. I love the motivation.

Tracy and I went shopping today, again. She ordered her wedding dress and we chose what we THINK will be the bridesmaid dress. It is beautiful, but really hugs the waist. If you don't know me, I'm thick in the waist. Now, I've been losing in this area, but still thick. Again, motivated to continue to work out.

Can I be back at -65 pounds by August? Probably...that's about 18 more pounds. I've been working out like crazy and am totally motivated by the dress and by Marc's hands.

Question Girl -- your comment totally makes me like him more. If we break up, do you want me to direct him to you? (By the way, he knows NOTHING about computers. I had to teach him about Ipods and laptops last weekend. He thought it was a "labtop." He says it makes sense now!)

Sick

OK, so I'm sick.
I stayed home today.
On his break, Marc sends a text asking how I am.
After work, he sends a text asking if I'm OK and if I need anything.
Then, he asks if he can see me.

I love this!

I told him to come over. We had pizza, chips, and pop! And we cuddled on the couch...germs and all.

Every day

I like him more every day.
I've thought about this (and was asked by a good friend today) and I know that I'm starting to like him and not just the idea of him.

So, I spoke my peace....

Friends have been saying that I'm leading Marc on because I haven't been honest about my expectations.

So, last night, on the phone, I said what I needed to. I told him that I liked him and didn't want to hurt him, but had a few things to say.

I told him that church was important to me and I needed to be with someone for who it is important as well. He said it was important and that he would go. (Not exactly what I'm looking for, but getting there.)
Second, I told him that I'm saving sex for marriage. His answer: "OK." pause. "Sex ain't everything." Me: "I know, but it seems to be part of the deal with people our age and for me it isn't." Him: "OK."

So, I feel much better because I've been honest and not misleading about my expectations.

We talked about a few other things. He is worried that I'll get upset when the weather gets warmer and he'll be working 6 days a week and long, long hours. I told him that if that is his job, then that's his job. He worries that we'll have plans and he'll have to call and cancel because he has to work late. I told him that that isn't a problem, but it would be a problem if he called me to cancel because he was going to the bar with the guys.

He was amazed that I don't care that he hunts. I told him that I don't want to be told that I can't shop with my friends or things like that, so why would I care that he wants to go hunting. If he loves it, he should do it.

He says, "I hope that's true because I've lost a few girlfriends and an ex-wife over hunting and my job." I just laughed and laughed.

It makes me feel good that he is worried about that.

Does anyone read this?

I'm not sure that anyone reads this.
I know 2 people do, but I don't know how often.

I'm not sure why I do this....maybe just for me.

Not so bad

Ok, so Marc isn't so bad.
We had a great dinner, great conversation, and I let him kiss me some more.

I can't take a compliment though. WAIT-- I can't recognize one, even.
He calls me on the way home. He asks how my day was. I ask how his was. His response, "It was OK. It will be better in a little while now." I said, "Why, because you aren't at work?" He says, "NO, because I'm going to dinner with youuuu." Me, to myself, "YOU IDIOT!" To him, "Oh, you are so sweet."

I'M AN IDIOT!

He was telling me that he was saying all day that they had to quit at 5:00 because he had to get home. He said they were teasing him about having a hot date and he told them that was right. I handled that a little bit better!

I thought I would let him chase me.

OK, on Sunday, Marc asked me if I wanted to go to dinner sometime this week. I said, "yes." He asked what days weren't good. I said, "Thursday."

Yesterday, at 3:40 (when he thought school was out) he sent me a text that asked if I had a good day and did I have plans. During the day, I had made plans to work out with Allison and then to grocery shop with Tracy. (We hadn't been to the grocery store in about 3 weeks!) I told him that I had made plans. I called him on the way to work out. He didn't ask about another night this week. He doesn't get home from work until 6:30 or 7:00 and said he didn't want to make me wait that late to eat.

Around 9:30, I got a good night text.
I responded with a text that said, "Will I get to see you this week?"
He said, "Do you want to do something Saturday?"
I WAS DISAPPOINTED- which I had to laugh at myself about.
Me: I guess I can wait until Saturday.
Marc: Have you ever eaten at Hickory Grill? When do you want to go?
Me: I love the Hickory Grill. How about tomorrow?
He called me. (Wait, wasn't I letting him chase me? Didn't I just force him to make a date this week? Oh brother!)

I wrote to my pastor yesterday about this situation. (divorce and child)
He sent back a thoughtful response about h0w he thought it was good that I'm using my head to guide and guard my heart. He says he mailed me an article with some Biblically based points of view on divorce and remarriage. He wants me to struggle with it a little bit and then he wants to meet to talk and pray. (He is on study leave for the next 2 weeks -- I'm glad I caught him before he is unavailable.)

Not as much to say

So, since Thanksgiving, I've had many things to say and tons to post.

I haven't had as much to say since the New Year started. I've forced myself to do it AND I know that they aren't as content rich as in the past.

I wish I had more to say, but I'm glad that the heartache is dulling. Although through all of this, the love hasn't changed. I'm wondering when it will....when will I love him less or not at all?

Confusion....

Gary totally confuses me. HE wanted to be friends, now that I have been trying really hard for that, he can't seem to handle it.

Marc on the other hand, is still calling quite consistently. I do not enjoy talking on the phone with him because we seem to have nothing to talk about on the phone. (We have stuff to talk about in person, weird.) I decided yesterday that I think I'm going to try it at least through Valentine's Day. I'm not sure, though. I THINK.

However, if Gary called me, I'd run back to him in a hearbeat.

I am pa-the-tic!

OK, the last call was Tuesday.
I thought I would get Wednesday off. He didn't call on Thursday either, so (being the needy girl who wants to make sure she gets the attention she wants) I sent him a text. We texted back and forth a few times and then I went to bed.

Tonight, he sends a text. Then, calls me.

I was happy about it until I learned that he was with his kid -- in the truck! I told him that maybe this wasn't the best time to talk. He said, "Oh, we talk all the time" -- meaning he talks to his kid all the time. I just didn't feel right about it. So, I said I had to get my homework started.

I'm loving it!

Marc didn't call today and I'm so glad!
I'm liking him more every day that he doesn't call me.
Weird?

I just like being given my space!
Whew!

Happy New Year - 2 things.

Happy New Year!
I can't believe that it has been 3 days since I posted!

I've been overwhelmed.
I went out with Marc again on Saturday night, which I told you.

Sunday, I went for a walk, got home, took a shower, and discovered a text that said:
"Good Morning, Sunshine."
I said, "SHIT!" "SHIT, SHIT, SHIT!"

Later, he called me DURING CHURCH. (I had the phone on vibrate.)
I called him back and we had a quick chat. Justin was picking us up to go to the local bar to watch the last Steelers game, so I rushed him off the phone. He said, "Call me after the game." I was in such a hurry that I said OK. Then, I was mad at myself.

So, I decided not to call. Well, then he called me. I ignored the call and he left some message about the Steeler game. (He doesn't like Pittsburgh.) I waited a few hours and sent a text that said something like, "Now that's how you win a football game. No time to talk-- call me in a few days. Happy New Year!"

I get a response that says, "Did I do something wrong?"

Me: "Just take your time."

Him (paraphrased): "OK, I don't want to mess this up. You are very cute and nice and I've had more fun in the last 2 days that I have had in a long time."

ME (not texting) : ARGHHHHH!

I didn't respond. I didn't think it was necessary. That night, I got a text that said, "Happy New Year." I didn't respond. I didn't think it was necessary.

He respected me and didn't call me yesterday. I was so glad -- I'll tell you about that in a minute.

He did call tonight. I was having dinner with Tracy and Mandy, so I asked if I could call him back. I did. We had a nice, 28 minute phone call. It was so much more relaxed. He wasn't pressuring me at all. Finally, I said that I needed to get ready for school tomorrow. He said, "You are really busy this week, aren't you?" I said yes and reminded him of what I've got going on. He said that he was hoping that we could have dinner sometime and would I wait to eat with him since he doesn't get home until about 7:00. I said that would be nice, just not this week. He seemed ok with that. He asked if next week was good and I said yes. We left it at that. I don't have to worry about this weekend because he has his son and I'm very busy.

THE OTHER BIG NEWS: Tracy and Justin got engaged! YEAH! They are thinking about a summer wedding. They got engaged on New Years Eve and have been hot on the phone making arrangements! It is cute-- Justin is more excited than she is. He is already making his guest list!

I better get to bed.
Love you!